rushed..

do you ever feel rushed? like you don't have enough time. and you start hating the structure of time because it is just a number someone calls it when the sun is at a different point in the sky, yet it changes twice during the year and people graph everything to it. map their lives around it, worship it, and you have to be "on time" every time, everywhere or you are no where. i hate being rushed, i underestimate how long it really takes to go through and do everything and ready everything for something. it is almost as if the time itself is the cause for the rush. the feeling of being rushed can drive you insane. to always not be ready. choices to relax and be on time, or rush and be late, but be relaxed when there. i have to come from so far away, i'm not on this planet! i have told you that. now i am rushed and late for work. 

walk on jupiter

it is so weird to not have anyone to talk to. i don't have relationships with my parents or sister. i don't have friends that call me or txt me, or swing by to chat. i could if i wanted but this is the way i made it, the way i like it. i have never met anyone that can think like me. that understands me, has the same design of person. it is weird, but i feel as though having no one is the only way to see everyone. no one knows me. no one has ever had a real conversation with me. it is an act from both sides. never an actual thing, with structure or meaning. people are so fake, so different. The society of today has completely left earth. or maybe i'm on jupiter, but this isn't right. i stay alone because i am waiting. there has to be someone. woman, man, young, old..someone that i can talk to out there. someone that actually listens, not just hears, but listens, figures it out. NO ONE CAN FIGURE IT OUT. it makes me sad, so sad to even go out in the world, see how people react to eachother, to themselves. i sit and concentrate on trying to see beauty, feeling laughter or taste, hearing music no one hears, doing things no one does. away from people's negativity. i'm on jupiter and there is no one here. they can't see it! they just are not given the chance to go. to walk on jupiter.

color and sound.

I don't understand what is going on. I feel as though the world just does not understand. if the world all thought like me, we could change this place. I have to get out of here. I can't explain it. How great my music sounds, how amazing my food is, how fun things are to do. Even thinking is fun. NOBODY THINKS LIKE ME. If everyone thought like this, switched to my medicine,  we could create such a better world. But there aren't people like me. There are just people who want to consume, to compete, to discriminate..Why can't everything just be different? I don't understand people at all. 

I have never had a real relationship with any human. Friendship, relationship or just being close to a family member. There is just no one that i can ever connect to. EVERYONE IS IN A DREAM AND WON'T WAKE UP. They want to be someone they don't really want to be, someone they think they have to be. 

No one understands the human i have become. The way i live my life is so different that it frustrates me to be with other people. I can't go out and do something with someone unless i am in control. If it gets to the point where i can't be around those people i have to be able to leave. There are some people i don't just not talk to, but i avoid. Some people are so far away from my reality that i can't stand even hearing their voice. It makes me sad. Everything that comes out just doesn't have any substance or feeling. I feel as if it's fake words. Just words from a language.

PEOPLE ARE EMPTY INSIDE. Chemicals cause this..coke, e, pills, fast food, sugar free gum, diet soda, all will empty a person, but also people just don't understand what the world is about. They grow up not questioning, not knowing, didn't discuss things of purpose, learn from things, grow as humans, expand their life by not fearing death and seeing into other worlds. I spoke and heard my mind on those days. Those days changed me as i awoke from that dream. I saw what the world was and the beauty of color and sound. 

I feel so unlucky that i am in this generation of people. There has to be something else. something that is going to happen that will change the minds. My mind is way more complex than i would like it to be right now, seriously. WHERE IS MY OLD ROBOT SELF? The one who did what the robots told him to do. where is simple, innocent, naive robot self? I look in the mirror, hair gone now, but i don't see that robot. I never see a robot. where is the robot? The one who new nothing, and lived in a dream. 

the first rain..

everything evens out..

For some reason, everything just evens out. There is no too high or too low. The world finds a way to even it out. You might be so up..that moment when you can feel that things are just too amazing..this can’t be happening. When you are in a place that you never want to leave. You are untouchable. Things couldn’t be going any better. Jut as those thoughts have almost completely taken you over and you are lost in a cloud of joy, something happens that brings you back down, to the reality that you always knew. It reminds you that you are human and not something more. Your life goes back to that middle, that constant, but the thing that can’t be taken or lost is that feeling of close you were to being something more. You smile because you know how it felt and you know you will feel it again.

The same for being down. Different from up, down is no where you would ever want to be. It makes you question everything and almost feel hate towards everything. The bad things just keep happening and just keep bringing you lower and lower, you feel like a victim, ask ‘why me’? You try to think about bad things you have done, feel as though you deserve it. Being down is a scary place, a place that is hard to get out of. But just as up, it will be evened out. Something will change, not unexpected, but surprising for a downer. You come off down, don’t reach up, but back to the middle. You feel fresh, new, as if that thing that changed it gave you the power to not let you ever fall back down again. 

These things that happen and then get evened out MAKE YOU THE PERSON YOU ARE

you are perfect..

I know some people feel sometimes that they aren’t good enough. Maybe they let themselves down, or someone they loved left them for someone else. Whatever it might be, the negativity they feel is so not needed. They might try to cover it with drugs or alcohol. Go out and find someone to bone and tell them how great and hot they are to make them feel better. Spend money on something they don’t need, make a drastic change to their appearance or some other ‘high’ they can get. 

I don’t judge, I am all for quick fixes..but as long as it is in a healthy way. As long as these people know, no matter how bad they feel, that it’s not the end. They will wake up the next morning and still open their eyes. They will breathe and walk and live. Life goes on, and you are stuck with whatever happens to you, but you know what? Do you want the truth? I am not just bull-shitting when I say this..IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

You are perfect, you do what you do for yourself, that’s the only person you should look out for, the only person you should be trying to please. Fuck everyone else. Don’t wallow in oh, 

“I could have done this.”

“If I just wouldn’t have changed”

“I just don’t get why he or she doesn’t want me”

Are you serious?

Fuck em..you know how amazing you are, you spend time with yourself. You know how amazing you are to converse with and how great you look when you see yourself in the mirror.  You know how there is NO ONE out there like you and for anyone who doesn’t see that is fucking wasting your time!! “Just another speed-bump on your way to success,” as I once said. If you aren’t riding this train then get the fuck out the way. You ain’t got time to waste on bullshit taking up your energy and stressing you out. They aren’t good enough for you. Keep looking, because you deserve your perfect mate. Never settle. There is someone out there looking for you. Someone that understands you and won’t give you shit about how you live your life and try to bring you down.  They will support you, give you space, but be there when you need embrace. 

I always feel so sad for people that just don’t get it. It might hurt at first and make you question who you are and how amazing you think you are but you have to stay positive, always. Shit is going to happen but THE ONLY THING YOU CAN CONTROL IS THE EFFECT THOSE THINGS HAVE ON YOU, that’s it. Will you let it eat you, make you do things that you will regret the next morning? Or do you have the maturity and strength to turn it around and make you focus, get the hell out that rain cloud!!!, get out in the world and GET YOURS!

Life is too short to waste any minute being down..you ARE perfect, I know you know it, you just got to believe it

can you do both?

NOTICE: THIS IS AN UN-EDITED POST

some people just can’t find that median..the place in between. can you smoke and not sit around and accomplish nothing? why do some feel they have to smoke all day or drink every night and just be losers? It’s the same with the opposite side as well. Oh gosh, I can’t smoke today: I have a paper to write, I have to work later, I only smoke on weekends. These people make it seem as if their are two sides. When did they start clashing? When did people stop believing in themselves, or in certain cases become so wound up, and stressed. You gotta find that middle. Smoking isn’t even a thing really. You can smoke whenever you want, accomplish great things after. Write the best paper you ever wrote, make a film, be the most productive person at your job, score an amazing goal running and sweating and discovering your body’s abilities..Can’t you do both?

Try not to make it a thing: Sometimes people feel as if they have to smoke with a lot of people, go somewhere, like the beach, or the movies. It has to be a thing that people pitch in on. I got 5! They get addicted to these things, they want to do things!!! Well, when they are out doing things, people are getting theirs. While you are out with losers wasting money you don’t have. They are always times for ‘things’ but you can balance it and guess what?

you don’t have to make it a thing. 

Try not to smoke too much: Sometimes people over do it and want to get so completLY STONED OUT THEIR MIND!!!! stupid…if you don’t know what it takes you to get to your ‘happy place’ you shouldn’t be smoking. I GUARANTEE there are so many people that have smoked that always do so much..and they just have this distorted view of what being high really is..it takes some people one small hit to feel the same as someone who smoked a whole joint alone. It is all mental, everyone has a different reaction. That’s the most beautiful thing about it. 

being high and letting your mind really see what the world is about is so beautiful i can’t even explain it.

downers..

THE WORLD IS FILLED WITH NEGATIVITY! People just want you to fail. They just hate it when you succeed. They want to be better and they are so jealous. They will do whatever it takes to bring you down. They push their negativity on you, “Man I hate it here..” 

“I dislike her.”

“I hate that this happens to me.”

“This is so stupid.”

“That’s so lame!”

These are common sayings you will hear anywhere in any language. I can’t believe people are so selfish and greedy. How could you possibly be negative or upset about anything. Relationships, work, school, friends. If anything is stressing or upsetting you, you really need to just relax. Are you breathing? Is there anything you can do? Yes, you are breathing, and no there is nothing you can do, so GET OVER IT! Cry it out if you must, and move on. Why is anyone scared or sad about anything? You could die tomorrow. Or the world could break in half. And you are worried about a test grade or an break-up? Get rid of the negativity. The people that bring you down, the friends that compete and hate, they don’t matter. Focus on yourself and the things you can control. Everyone else is only worrying about themselves. Nobody cares anymore. So GET YOURS! Get out there and do stuff for you! Be happy you are living, walking, breathing! This world we have now is so beautiful. What if it was gone tomorrow? All that time worrying would be wasted.

I am always happy. Sometimes I just bust up laughing because I am just so happy. Nothing could ever make me upset. Everything that is happening and will happen will happen. You do what you can do, but sometimes you just have to understand, things happen but you are alive. To be alive, to be able see a sunset, or taste a favorite meal, or just lay down and sleep when you are so tired is so beautiful. People try to ruin that. I have known so many people that saw how happy I was and just tried to destroy it. It was their goal, it would make them feel so great about themselves. They are so mad and hate you because they can’t see. They can never understand what real happiness is. I don’t believe in people. They are negative. I am positive

worship?

what would the world do without it’s lord? me just talking about it right now is a sin, something against it? I have no distinction or judgement to the ideas of any other human. We all have our own minds and no way to discredit anyones beliefs, I just am stating that I think one that is able to walk and see and feel what is “life”, should worship what it is that is here. Why did someone have to create it? what is ‘it’, this stuff just is? the water that falls from the sky and flows through our dirt and soil that gives life to everything..from the cows that eat it to us eating them. there is just energy coming from the most powerful star out there, it warms and gives food and fight for things to get out in the world. worship this, not he or she or it..but the things we have, that we know are real..

no one is going to be my excuse for the way i live. did someone really die for me? they knew me? knew i would ‘sin’ and need their forgiveness? what if no one ever sinned? then his death would be worthless? i’m the only one i ask for forgiveness from

2010

i don’t think people understand that we are about to be in 2010…sound strange? maybe that’s because it is a big change..it isn’t just, ‘yay!, the year 2000!!’ we have been here ten more years than that!. if people don’t think something drastic is going to happen soon, they have blinders on to the world because things are changing. technology, world power, ideas, revolutions, climate change, conscious change are all happening and i say a matter of months or years that something hits. personally, i hope and believe it is going to be for the better.  someone will bring them together and the rest of the world will listen…..

the sun

to be out of it you go crazy, to be without it, you die. the life the sun brings is unimaginable..sometimes i feel that the people that don’t bring it in, should be told. The sun is everything, why not worship and honor it’s power. why does the world take these things for granted? i wish i lived in a world that went to sleep an hour after it set and woke up with it in the morning. humans should share the most beautiful relationship you can have with this warm star. use it to power your house, to feed your crops…lay in it and feel it’s warmth, because think about it? can you imagine if one day the sun just left us?

the box

unplug from the box!

Now, before i start this contradiction letter, allow me to explain. I am now writing on a box, yes, but my box is my way of getting out my ideas. it’s creative, It’s needed in a world like today’s, at a time like now! Don’t compare my box to yours. Yours takes you into a world that isn’t yours..you move a person that isn’t you. You talk to people you can’t see and you fight something for no reason.  You sit for hours, trying to be that person, to be the best, to have the best score or defeat the most foes. The obsession with being the best has let your body fall in with your mind and you were plugged into the box…your mind in a box, unable to express, to create, something real, outside of the transposed device.

walk in the world. run, play, explore, breathe, be always out when the sun is out. like look at the sky, look at the clouds. feel the wind, the rain!  when i see others, i feel like i know why they look the way they do.  they have been hooked up to the box.  they don’t know the sun like i do, they don’t care.  they smoke as if they try to kill the world outside the box. they drive in their box. they cool their box so they don’t have to leave it. soon they REALLY won’t have to. they miss their box. they don’t want to talk about real things happening in the real world..THEY WANT THEIR BOX..because they are the best, or soon they know they will be.